The following is a poem I wrote back in 2004 when the Ca Supreme Court shut down San Francisco’s Same Sex Marriage offerings and annulled the marriages that happened during the Spring of Love. Reading it reminded me of how joyous and painful that experience was, a mingling of joy and pain that we experienced again in California in 2008. Whether or not each of us believes that the fight for Same Sex Marriage is one that we as individuals would have chosen or we as a community should have chosen, I think it is important to acknowledge the wounding that this battle has caused to our community. Because I want that wounding (not to mention the billion dollar political industry that has grown around Same Sex Marriage initiatives and drained our community dry of resources) to end, I send all of my best wishes and support to those arguing in the current federal court case about the constitutionality of Prop 8.

“I’m sorry”, I cried as I plunged off the side

To ascend the precipice of hell,

“But I know who I am and I know what I want

And you won’t turn me into my shell.”

Pain drives toward excess

And shutters still hide

Though I learned how to act an emotion

Anger and bitterness,

Triumph and Pride

Deeper, wider than the ocean.

It Wasn’t Enough.

I searched through the bars, I played in the clubs,

Drank myself dry, tried all the drugs

But never could I find the peace

That comes with a care that will not be denied,

The love that refuses release.

And then you came–

And when I shrieked my pain into your darkness,

You would not let go.

And when you tried to spare me life’s hardness

I did not except your no.

A moment of hope, a faint ray of light

Quickly covered, plunging again into night.

What my parents obtained

The courts have retained

And the president preaches must always remain–

Recognized love we can’t own.

A mere slip of paper, professional, sleek,

Stating not business but family I seek

Denied–

Else nations will crumble, society fail

Communities crumble, civil life pale

For reasons myriad and unknown.

Four thousand coupkes laid across their altars

Knives to the chest, all movement falters.

Eight thousand hearts fed, still beating, to wolves.

That should teach those who seek similar moves.

And our friends?  Where are they?

Except for a scant few

Who dare to espouse the unpopular view.

“That’s not important,” they say,

“Just a distraction from the big moves at play.”

Bull shit.

Since when is my status as a second class citizen

Any less important than that of any other?

Cause and effect are still kith and kin–

Brother is taught to kill brother.

The shutters once again rise

To buffer against anger’s tide

And I shriek agai into your darkness

As I flip through the new Modern Bride…

For Immediate Release                                                       November 3, 2009

Media Contact: Patricia Kevena Fili, 510-872-0568, pkf@circleofdionysos.org

The Circle of Dionysos proudly presents ritual theatre performances of The Bacchae: A Ritual of Coming Out on November 13 & 14, 2009, 8:00 p.m. at Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory at 1519 Mission Street in San Francisco. $20 donation is requested. No one turned away due to a lack of funds.

Euripides’ ‘The Bacchae’ is one of the best known Greek Tragedies. It is the story of a confrontation between Dionysos, The God of Ecstasy and the repressive and patriarchal ruling family of Thebes. We cannot help but notice that it holds important parallels to the trials members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community face today when coming out. It should be a celebratory experience. For far too many LGBT people who were raised in families and societies that told us this transformation is wrong, the process was equal parts pain and pleasure. We also cannot talk about coming out as a metaphorical death without acknowledging that too many in our community have been literally killed for trying to be who they are.

“I’m really excited by the way our production of The Bacchae manages to encapsulate both the tremendous rewards and the tremendous pain that our community has experienced coming out in a larger society that does not honor difference,” says Derik K. Cowan, Director of The Bacchae, “I hope that productions like this will help us ‘taste the sweet gift of the Gods that is freedom from those who have hurt us.’” As this rite reaches its climax, we will also honor those whose lives and deaths have affected our LGBT community.

The Circle of Dionysos is dedicated to the exploration and celebration of spiritual traditions that honor gender fluidity and sexual variance. We believe that universal diversity is purposeful, and that members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Community possess wisdom that is of vital importance to the community at large. Through public ritual performances, small study groups, and personal spiritual guidance, we seek to help both individuals and our community in discovering, developing, and expressing that wisdom.

###

Sunday brought the cast together for a marathon rehearsal day. (Thank you cast!)

We’re really getting this story told. It was powerful and moving.

At one point I was so moved that I couldn’t stop crying.

The God of Wine, Ecstasy and Theater. Comedy. Mad Women. Ritual. Murder.

How much more can you ask for in a show?!

You know you want to go! Two nights only!

The Bacchae: A Ritual of Coming Out
November 13th & 14th, 8:00PM

At:

Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory
1519 Mission St.
San Francisco, CA 94103

Tickets available now at:

The Scarlet Sage Herb Co.
1173 Valencia St
San Francisco, CA 94110
(415) 821-0997

AND

The Sacred Well
536 Grand Avenue
Oakland , CA 94610
510.444.WELL(9355)

Is coming out the first time you recognize your self in the word gay, lesbian, bi, trans, homo? Is coming out the first time that you act on your self identification? Is coming out the first time that you tell someone of your new identity?

I view coming out as a call. Calling or vocation is most often talked about in religious literature and usually in the context of someone moving into some kind of ministry. “I was called by God to become a priest.” “I felt a call on my life.” Coming out is a much similar process. There is this little voice inside that keeps pointing at things in the world and saying “you’re like that.” Now what we do with that call is up to us. I believe that a call to become more fully gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer is a spiritual call. As are all calls to further authenticity. As are all calls that help us peal back another onion skin layer of the being we call ourselves.

I believe that at the center of our being sits our connection to God, the Divine, the Universe, Mystery or whatever name you use to signify that which is beyond. At the center of our being is the connection and any self exploration and revealing of deeper truths about ourselves moves us closer to that sacred essence within. As we mover further in it also allows our truest essence to move out.

Coming out is a sacred event. Coming out moves the gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer person one step closer to living as they truly are. Coming out brings freedom.

Joseph Campbell writes about the Hero’s Journey in A Hero with a Thousand Faces,

The adventure is always and everywhere a passage beyond the veil of the known into the unknown; the powers that watch at the boundary are dangerous; to deal with them is risky; yet for anyone with competence and courage the danger fades.

This is what many of us face when we’re coming out. We don’t know what kind of reaction we’re going to get from our loved ones. We don’t know what kind of reaction we’re going to receive from the world at large. We may know that our immediate families of blood, or choice, will be super supportive, but we don’t know if our neighbor in 2B has some hidden axe to grind with queers. We don’t know who or what is waiting around the corner to take their fear out upon us.

Coming out is an act of courage. It is a move toward the truth. It is a move that strips away shackles and releases our ability to slay the dragon, or rather tame the dragon and use it’s power for our own.

For truly we are the ones in charge of our identity. As much as others will try to put us into boxes, literally and figuratively, we are the ones in charge of how we feel about ourselves. If we find the courage within ourselves to at first accept, then to tolerate, and finally embrace the things that make us queer, then we have taken our power back. No longer will anyone’s taunts have sway over how we feel about ourselves. And once we have taken our power back, we can use that power to build the kind of society where we are valued. Because with our own power back, we can finally show to our society at large, just why it is that we are so very rare and special, and how by embracing us the world at large becomes a better place for all.

Coming out is about peace.

Spirituality is generally defined as the quest to find “what is true,”  but we as human beings are tiny creatures on a tiny planet that circles a tiny sun at the edge of a tiny galaxy.  If there truly is such a thing as “universal truth,” we are far too small and limited as creatures to grasp more than the slightest edges of that truth.  What we can grasp and explore and develop are our own personal truths, and the first step of owning our personal truths is the declaration of our personal truths.  Undeclared identities–be they sexual, gender-based, spiritual, or any other–are unclaimed identities carrying potential power that we are not utilizing, and as nature abhors a vacuum unutilized energy will be taken and used by somebody.  It’s an unfortunate fact of life that the people who seek out unused power are frequently people who view unused power as a sign of weakness in their fellows, people who would use that unspoken identity against you.

I worked in a middle school for a couple of years, and this was something I saw frequently–when kids who were teasing a fellow student about being gay were asked if being gay was inherently a bad thing, they would generally say no.  The teasing was based on their perception that the possible “gayness” of their victim was something that person saw as a weakness in their character.  I’ve heard many stories that support this assertion from high school students who have come out–that while they were picked on before coming out, a lot of that went away after they came out, claiming their identity and power.  In fact, they often found a swelling of support for them within their social circles and acquaitances.

I’m not trying to say that coming out solves all problems.  My personal coming out story includes as much pain and loss as it does empowerment.  While I find that in many cases the above is true, there are unfortunately many other cases in which homophobia, transphobia, and xenophobia have led to disenfranchisement, harm, or even death of even individuals that have claime d their identities and power.  But each person who comes out is engaging in harm reduction on both a personal and communal level, each person who comes out accesses the power of the identity they have spoken and claimed, each person who comes out moves themselves closer to their own personal truth, and in so doing grows as a spiritual being.

We capped off the day by spending most of it at Faerie Freedom Village, where we hung out with new friend Blossom.

DK and Andra Jean