The Circle of Dionysos presented our 5th version of Yes They Are! at Pantheacon 2011 on Saturday afternoon, and many of us who were involved felt that this was our best production to date.  Director Robin LaSirena decided to frame this production within the traditional structure of The Lenaia.  We opened the ritual with a processional while singing the Seikilos, an ancient hymn to Dionysos that was found with musical notations, making it the oldest surviving complete musical composition in the world.  Benu, the Circle’s Honorary Orpheus who found Seikolos for us, taught the song to the crowd outside of the ritual space so that they could sing with us as they entered the space.  Then we were off on a comedic “competition” as each of the Gods sought to convince the crowd that they were the biggest ally of the LBGTIQQ community.  Hilarity ensued, particularly as Gods joined forces to play “Disfunctional Family Feud” or stripped down for the “Shallow Visual Competition.”  Who won?  We’ll never know. Dionysos called a halt to the proceedings before a winner could be announced, then got everyone up on their feet and dancing for nearly 15 minutes (even though the music only lasted for 5)!

Dieties who came through for this ritual were: Ganesha, Poseidon, Sekhmet, Hadrian, Zeus, La Nuestra Senora De las Putas (an aspect of La Virgen de Guadelupe/Tonantzin), Ninanna, Iris, Set, and Dionysos.  We also had a cadre of Maenads and Satyrs acting as support staff for the rite.

They tore me limb from limb, but I returned, stronger than before, and I prevailed.  My own family, my blood kin denied my place and power, cast me out.  But I returned, and when I returned, I was the stronger.  In all my journeys among you I have been reviled, scorned, called less than my fellows, but each and every time I have faced down my detractors, and they have called me God.  I have claimed my birthright, and it is time for you to follow.

I am the ultimate girlie man and from that I draw my strength.  Why?  Because I embrace it.  Because I own it.  Because I offer it as my gift.  My gift is madness.

It is madness for a man to deny his active lust and learn the pleasures of the passive.  It is madness for a woman to abandon her hearth and home to roam wild through the fields.  It is madness for a woman to kill and a man to refrain from killing.  It is madness…in Their eyes.  And every time we force them to see themselves in those positions, their madness grows, and with it the seeds of their destruction, for unlike me they will not be reborn with will and memory intact.  So fuck ‘em.  You all know better.  In you I see my visions come to life.  Like me, you are reborn out of adversity.  Like me, you challenge the rules of acceptable behavior and gender binaries and in so doing force your fellows to see past their limitations to the truth: We are One.

Yet again I hear you crying out in pain, reviled, scorned, called less than your fellows, trod upon like the grape.  Do not be like my brother bemoaning the loss of a beheaded flower.  Be like my Father, snatch the baby from the fire and hide it away, ready to be born another day even stronger than before.  Don’t need a hero, Be a hero.  A wise man once said “all the world is a stage and we are merely players upon it.”  This is your moment in the spotlight, make the most of it!  Command that stage and own your  pain, scream your pain, use your pain to make them cry, so that when they leave this theater and walk onto their own stages they are inspired to change the lines.  But do not become addicted to the pleasure of pain, for this too must pass.  Overdone Tragedy becomes Comedy, and overdone Comedy becomes boring.  Tonight’s Diva is tomorrow’s day old drag queen—Lipstick smeared, eyeliner clumped, heel broken,  making the walk of shame.

Everything changes.  Everything is born and dies and is reborn yet again.  The agony of the crushed grape becomes the ecstacy of the wine soaked revel.  Life is short.  Life is sweet.  Life is all that you know you have.  Why waste it living by someone else’s rules?  Find your joy in the vine, let my madness fill you, take back your nights and fill them with your heart’s desire.  And be grateful for the invention of plastic as it makes some of those desires much more easily fulfilled.  When I fulfilled my vow to Prosymnos back in the day, I ended up with so many splinters up my ass that I couldn’t sit down for a week?

Does it surprise you to hear a god speak this way?  “What about the children?” they say.  Turn that question around.  What about your children?  I speak not only of those you have sired, birthed, or raised.  I speak not only of those children who follow in your footsteps.  I speak of all your children.  An ancient sculptor shared your appreciation of his fellow’s form, and this child of his has lived on for thousands of years.  Another wise man in a state of ecstasy taught him by his beloved Shams exclaimed, “The wine I drink is the fire of love and God Himself pours it into my mouth. “ This and thousands of other poetic offspring sprung from this man’s love continue to inspire us a millennia later.  Reclaim your broken spiritual heritage that your children will know their importance, release your power that your children will be safe, and remind your fellow man that there are other ways of being and all need to be honored and protected.  Difference is not an aberration.  Difference is the point of existence.  If uniformity were the point of creation then a floating bed of algae would be the highest evolved creature and humanity wouldn’t exist.  So claim your peculiarities and differences, embrace them, learn to make them necessities and hone them until they are fabulous.  Every glass is always full, and this wise man says “Drink Up!”

Yes They Are! Meeting and Greeting the Queerest of the Gods Playshop and Performance

San Francisco, Ca.  The Circle of Dionysos is proud to present the fourth production of their signature ritual performance piece Yes They Are! Meeting and Greeting the Queerest of the Gods, conceived of and coordinated by Derik K Cowan at Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory.

In current times, religion is generally seen to be at odds with sexuality and gender variance, and members of the LBGTIQQ community often become victims of spiritual violence.  Historically, however, this was not the case—those who were gender variant or homoerotically inclined held important and unique positions in the spiritual traditions of many cultures around the world.  Yes They Are! was created to reintroduce some of those ancient (and not so ancient) traditions into our culture and to provide a source of affirmation and blessing to those within the LBGTIQQ community.   To date the Circle of Dionysos has performed three productions of this ritual performance, each featuring a different cast of Deities culled from various cultural pantheons, and all of our performances have attracted both standing room only audiences and rave reviews.

In addition to the ritual performance, The Circle of Dionysos will also be offering an interactive “playshop” facilitated by members of our cast.  During this playshop attendees will be given the opportunity to experiment with some of our creative processes and perhaps develop their own rituals of affirmation.  This playshop is the seed a larger Yes They Are! project that we plan to eventually develop into a full weekend retreat, so this is a great chance to get a glimpse of where we are growing and add your own input to influence our evolution!

Yes They Are! Meeting and Greeting the Queerest of the Gods will be presented for one night only on July 3^rd.  The Playshop will begin at 7PM with the performance scheduled for 8:30PM.  Suggested Donation is $20, but no one will be turned away for lack of funds.  For more information, please contact The Circle of Dionysos at info@circleofdionysos.com.

When: Sunday, March 28, 2010 5PM

Where: Private Residence in Walnut Creek. Email for directions: info@circleofdionysos.org

According to various sources, the Latin term Hilaria refers to any general period of rejoicing and celebration. However, this time of year was also the period of the Roman festival Hilaria Matris Deum, a celebration dedicated to the goddess Cybele and her consort/child Attis. The first day of the celebration was held the day after the Spring Equinox, and Wikipedia lists the tentative schedule of events for this festival as follows:

“15 March. ‘The Reed Entered’. The reeds may refer to the river bank where Attis was exposed as a child and rescued by Cybele. A nine day period of abstinence from bread, pomegranates, quinces, pork, fish and probably wine began. Only milk was permitted as a drink.

22 March. ‘The Tree Entered’ (Arbor intrat). A pine tree from a wood sacred to Cybele is felled following the sacrifice of a ram at its roots. The tree was carried in procession through the city as if in a funeral to the Temple of Cybele on the Palatine Hill.

23 March. A day of mourning.

24 March. ‘The Day of Blood’ (Sanguis). Frenzied rites including scourging and whipping. Castration rituals would take place on this day. the tree is symbolicaly buried.

25 March. ‘The Day of Joy’ (Hilaria) celebrating the resurrection of Attis. This was the hilaria proper (as opposed to the mournful tone of the previous days).

26 March. A day of rest.

27 March. ‘The Washing’ (Lavatio). Added by Marcus Aurelius

28 March. Possible ceremony at the Vatican sanctuary.”

Now, I can’t imagine that *any* of that sounds like a familiar modern religious festival that may be starting on March 28th, can you?

According to Greek Myth, Cybele was the Goddess responsible for rescuing Dionysos as a youth when Hera discovered his presence and drove him mad.  Cybele then accepted Dionysos as an acolyte and taught him the rites of ecstasy that define much of his worship.  Some scholars (notably Arthur Evans) have suggested that Cybele and Semele were regional names for the same Deity; the myth of Cybele and Attis seems to be in many ways a funhouse mirror image of that of Dionysos and Semele in which the role of “sacrificed and resurrected deity” is reversed.

Our interest in the worship of Cybele extends beyond Hir mythic ties to Dionysos, however.  Cybele was also patron Deity to one the best known “gender/sexually variant” priesthoods in the ancient world–The Galli.  We will honor both Cybele and our spiritual ancestors in this rite, but also acknowledge the shared root of Hilaria and Hilarity, so bring a joke to share and be ready to explore some of spirituality’s burlesque elements!

Our Hilaria rite will be held at a private residence in Walnut Creek, so if you wish to attend this ritual please email an RSVP to info@circleofdionysos.org for the location of and directions to this ritual. We will also include a potluck meal as part of the evening’s festivities, so please bring food and drink to share.

Following this ritual, those who are interested in working further with us will be invited to join in a New Moon ritual study cycle starting with an exploration of the Queer Archetypes found in Christian de la Huerta’s book Coming Out Spiritually. The first meeting of this cycle will be held on Friday April 16th and will focus on the archetype of the Sacred Clown. Again, since these rituals/classes will be held at private residences, please RSVP to the address above for specifics about location and time.

The Circle of Dionysos is proud to present our first large public “flash mob” ritual for 2010 for our Beltane offering.

We intend to honor Dolores Park with this rite because it is one of the main outdoor areas utilized by the GLBTQ community in San Francisco for personal and communal gatherings.

The park is also facing a major renovation in 2011 that may shut the park down for more than a year. Because of this we want to consecrate this land to joy and play for the coming year. We also hope to influence the powers that be through our magic to not shut down the entire park at once for the renovations, but to work in sections and leave portions of the park available for use.

Above all else this is a ritual of PLAY. We face a lot of seriousness in our lives, individually and collectively. It is important to take moments to PLAY. We’re happy and overjoyed to be able to provide a place for you to play.

To that end know that game playing is a part of the rite. These games will span the gambit from physical to mental and at the end of the ritual someone will emerge as May King (any one of any or no gender can be May King)!

The ritual begins promptly at 1pm. We will gather in the lower portion of the park off of 18th Street. You will have no problem identifying us. We will be a collection of brightly dressed Fools and Queens. Please feel encouraged to come dressed in your most jovial and brightly colored costuming as well. Also feel free to bring picnic materials and make a day out of it. Many of us will be heading over to How Weird Street Faire following.

Happy Beltane Everyone, and do come PLAY and consecrate some land with us. It will be a blast!

What: Guerrilla Maypole – A Ritual of Play in Honor of Dolores Park
When: Sunday, May 9, 2010. 1pm
Where: Dolores Park, San Francisco

For More Information: info@circleofdionysos.org

Donations appreciated but not expected.

I believe that I would like to include all of those aspects in future posts, however I believe that the emphasis of this work is to be more true to the title of the blog: Wrestling With the Wig. I want to capture my struggle as a male identified priestess of goddesses. What does this mean? Who am I? Are there other’s like me?

So starting right there what does that mean? I was born biologically as what our culture identifies as male, and I identify as a man. I use the word priestess because I feel that it more accurately reflects the way that I work with goddesses. The models that I see for priests of goddesses have more of a consort kind of feel. The male priest dutifully worships goddesses as lover and/or as mother. My connection to goddesses feels more akin to being a receptacle for goddesses. This is why I feel more called to consider myself a priestess than a priest. Of course I am stripping away the bio gendered association of those words in my claiming.

So how did I get to this place, and where am I going?

I honestly believe that my journey started pre-birth. I don’t know if there is such a thing as reincarnation, but I have had a strong vision of what feels like a past life. I also have a strong sense of other past lives. In most of these past lives I have been biologically female. Even during my mother’s pregnancy she believed that I would be born a girl. This was in the days before figuring out the gender of a child pre-birth. She felt so sure that I would be born a girl that she only chose a “girl’s” name for me. The name she chose was her maiden name, Starr. Starr became my first drag name and my first magical working name.

I grew up queer in many ways. I knew at an early age that I preferred boys to girls in terms of attraction, and that I preferred girls to boys in terms of familiarity. I had virtually no interest in the things of men. When my parents would leave the house I would wrap my grandmother’s afghan around me, use a t-shirt to mimic long hair, slip into my mother’s high heels and parade around the house. Our hallway provided an excellent runway. The thing that is important to note here is that I never felt like I was supposed to be a girl. In fact my longest running fantasy about gender was that I wanted to be both. I wanted to be a man and to be a woman. I wanted to be able to switch at will.

Eventually I conformed to the male standard that was being portrayed by my community. I did this out of fear. I began to associate all this queerness with homosexuality and I knew that was wrong. It was a very clear message.

After I came out I thought that I had found freedom to express who I was, but I found that my dabbling in drag was still not supported by my community at large. I was told that I had to think about not freaking out other people if I allowed my nails to grow. I was even told within the drag community that I wasn’t pretty. At that point in my life I wasn’t strong enough emotionally and egoically to stand up for myself.

My gender queerness went underground for many, many years. Eventually I would discover the Two Spirits of the Indigenous Americans and other similar folk from traditions around the world. Finally I felt like I made sense in the world. I felt like there was a purpose for me. By this time I had also started to discover a spiritual path that really made sense for me which was neopaganism. The Divine or Spirit had revealed itself to me in so many different ways that there was no single religious tradition where I felt like I fit. It is only the loose umbrella that neopaganism is where I have found spiritual community. However with all this freedom my alternative gender expression was still repressed. I actually used to be afraid of the word transgender. I thought “God, I am already so different. Do I have to be that too?”

It is really over the last year that I have come to even more clarity about my gender and its expression. Again I identify as male. There is no feeling inside of me that I am in the wrong body or that I am really a woman. In this sense I am not transsexual, but I do feel gender queer.

I would say the first opening to expressing my gender variance began when I dedicated my dissertation research to Ardhanarishwara. Ardhanarishwara is a deity that is composed of Shiva and Shakti. Ardhanarishwara is the Divine Androgyne. I felt and still feel a strong kinship to that image.

Another opening came from the work my partner and I were doing to create a queer magical circle. My partner conceived of a ritual for a large pagan gathering where we would embody what we call the queerest of the gods. Because I was already working with Ardhanarishwara, I decided that would be the deity I embodied. That work really changed me. I was inspired to begin doing drag again coming out of that work. Part of the desire to do drag was because I wanted to do right by Shakti, the Goddess. I wanted to embody her beauty and strength to the best of my ability.

I also became inspired by an increasing connection with the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence. In them I saw a celebration of the Divine Feminine through the male vessel. I saw how drag could be done in a way that was androgynous and fiercely beautiful.

Those three inspirations really led to the creation of Andra Jean le Queen who is an avatar of Ardhanarishwara. As she grows into greater power I, Hayden, am also growing in my power. I am finding an expression of self that is deliberate, inspired and very powerful.

Just recently I received an affirmation of the work that I am doing. My partner and I once again attended PanthaCon, the large pagan gathering I alluded to earlier. On Friday night I decided to venture forth into the convention as Andra Jean. At one point I met a lovely man and we exchanged names. He asked if I knew what the word Andra meant in Basque. I didn’t. The name Andra Jean was conceived of as a play on the word androgyne. He proceeded to tell me that it means queen and added that the primary Basque goddess, Mari, is addressed as Andra Mari. That blew me away and affirmed this path for me, and now I want to share my story, my struggles and my wisdom with you.

I know that this blog will probably come across as self-indulgent for some. It is. Expressing myself externally is my primary form of processing my experience. However I hope, I sincerely hope, that my story and my sharing now and in the future will find those that need these words to help set them free to express their own truth. I can’t believe I’m the only one out there working with gender and spirituality in this way.

Until next time I continue to wrestle with the wig.

Much love,

Hayden/Andra Jean

Agave in the throws of Madness

We are dedicating this production to all Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer people who have been shunned, harassed, and sometimes killed. At times, our family members have denied our existence and our friends have cast us aside. We have sometimes been told not to be who we are. We have sometimes been denied employment, housing and medical care.

I play Agave in our production of The Bacchae. Agave is the daughter of the former King, Cadmus and the mother of Pentheus, the current King. Pentheus and Agave have denied the divinity of Dionysos. They have failed to properly honor Semele, the mother of Dionysos and sister of Agave, who died. Dionysos drives Agave mad. In her madness Agave kills her son because she thinks he is a lion. My character goes from lunacy to grief.

I am dedicating my performance to the LGBTQ Community. I dedicate it to you whose parents have not accepted you. I dedicate it to you who have lost friends because of your sexual orientation or gender identity. I dedicate it to you who have been killed and were anonymous because you lost your entire support system. I dedicate it to LGBTQ people who have given their lives to serve the community. I dedicate my performance to LGBTQ parents who have been denied access to their kids and to LGBTQ people who are not allowed to adopt because of who they are. This is for you.

I offer my body as a receptacle for those LGBTQ spirits who have been harmed or damaged. Please help me inspire and portray the truth. Please help us as we try to change hearts and minds and bring our world justice and equality.

Amethyst Moonwater

Home

I was born on St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, 1951 and named Patrick Kevin Feely. While I was born with the biological sex of a male, I knew at the age of 4 that I felt more like a girl. I grew up hiding this and trying to show how tough I was. I played sports and stood up to bullies. As an adult, I was open to my lovers that I was bisexual, but I still kept my gender identity hidden. After all, I didn’t know or hadn’t heard of anyone else like me. My gender issues would come up every now and then. I said to myself that I needed to focus on progressive issues and not be so ‘selfish’ by allowing myself to do something about my gender fluidity. I realized in my 40’s that I couldn’t hold the gender tide back any longer. I began to transition in 1995. When I transitioned as a Transgender Woman, I started to feel at home. I was finally able to overcome financial obstacles, and I received my gender confirmation surgery at the age of 56 in 2007.

I was raised as a Roman Catholic. It didn’t take. I was always conscious of spirit. I have been an activist since I was 13. Spirit was why I was motivated to work for social justice and do political work. When I went to my first witchcraft ritual in my 30’s in Portland, Oregon, I felt at home. When I was transitioning, I would often dream that my form was encased in amethyst. I believe that the Goddess was providing me protection as I was moving forward. I am Pisces and have always been highly influenced by the moon and water. So when it came to choosing a magical name, I came up with Amethyst Moonwater.

It is a privilege to be a part of the Circle of Dionysos to do ritual theatre. I have tried to live a path that is genuine and authentic. I am a Transgender Woman, Bisexual, Witch, Pagan Priestess and many other things. I have offered a workshop, entitled Gender Identity and Pagan Communities: What Wigs You Out the Most? I support the right of everyone to pursue a unique and true path. Those of us in the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Communities have much to offer. We offer delight, wit, compassion, and intelligence. Many of us have faced the loss of family and overcome obstacles. For instance, I have lost connection with my daughter who wishes no contact with me. Many of us in the LGBTQ Communities have courage, strength and resilience. We are as essential to the greater community as anyone. No one can afford to take us for granted. This is what we are trying to portray in the Circle of Dionysos. We are sharing our vision and our mission. It is an honor for me to be a part of such a noble quest.

- Amethyst Moonwater

For Immediate Release                                                       November 3, 2009

Media Contact: Patricia Kevena Fili, 510-872-0568, pkf@circleofdionysos.org

The Circle of Dionysos proudly presents ritual theatre performances of The Bacchae: A Ritual of Coming Out on November 13 & 14, 2009, 8:00 p.m. at Mama Calizo’s Voice Factory at 1519 Mission Street in San Francisco. $20 donation is requested. No one turned away due to a lack of funds.

Euripides’ ‘The Bacchae’ is one of the best known Greek Tragedies. It is the story of a confrontation between Dionysos, The God of Ecstasy and the repressive and patriarchal ruling family of Thebes. We cannot help but notice that it holds important parallels to the trials members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender (LGBT) community face today when coming out. It should be a celebratory experience. For far too many LGBT people who were raised in families and societies that told us this transformation is wrong, the process was equal parts pain and pleasure. We also cannot talk about coming out as a metaphorical death without acknowledging that too many in our community have been literally killed for trying to be who they are.

“I’m really excited by the way our production of The Bacchae manages to encapsulate both the tremendous rewards and the tremendous pain that our community has experienced coming out in a larger society that does not honor difference,” says Derik K. Cowan, Director of The Bacchae, “I hope that productions like this will help us ‘taste the sweet gift of the Gods that is freedom from those who have hurt us.’” As this rite reaches its climax, we will also honor those whose lives and deaths have affected our LGBT community.

The Circle of Dionysos is dedicated to the exploration and celebration of spiritual traditions that honor gender fluidity and sexual variance. We believe that universal diversity is purposeful, and that members of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer Community possess wisdom that is of vital importance to the community at large. Through public ritual performances, small study groups, and personal spiritual guidance, we seek to help both individuals and our community in discovering, developing, and expressing that wisdom.

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