What is coming out really?
Is coming out the first time you recognize your self in the word gay, lesbian, bi, trans, homo? Is coming out the first time that you act on your self identification? Is coming out the first time that you tell someone of your new identity?
I view coming out as a call. Calling or vocation is most often talked about in religious literature and usually in the context of someone moving into some kind of ministry. “I was called by God to become a priest.” “I felt a call on my life.” Coming out is a much similar process. There is this little voice inside that keeps pointing at things in the world and saying “you’re like that.” Now what we do with that call is up to us. I believe that a call to become more fully gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer is a spiritual call. As are all calls to further authenticity. As are all calls that help us peal back another onion skin layer of the being we call ourselves.
I believe that at the center of our being sits our connection to God, the Divine, the Universe, Mystery or whatever name you use to signify that which is beyond. At the center of our being is the connection and any self exploration and revealing of deeper truths about ourselves moves us closer to that sacred essence within. As we mover further in it also allows our truest essence to move out.
Coming out is a sacred event. Coming out moves the gay, lesbian, bi, trans, queer person one step closer to living as they truly are. Coming out brings freedom.
Joseph Campbell writes about the Hero’s Journey in A Hero with a Thousand Faces,
The adventure is always and everywhere a passage beyond the veil of the known into the unknown; the powers that watch at the boundary are dangerous; to deal with them is risky; yet for anyone with competence and courage the danger fades.
This is what many of us face when we’re coming out. We don’t know what kind of reaction we’re going to get from our loved ones. We don’t know what kind of reaction we’re going to receive from the world at large. We may know that our immediate families of blood, or choice, will be super supportive, but we don’t know if our neighbor in 2B has some hidden axe to grind with queers. We don’t know who or what is waiting around the corner to take their fear out upon us.
Coming out is an act of courage. It is a move toward the truth. It is a move that strips away shackles and releases our ability to slay the dragon, or rather tame the dragon and use it’s power for our own.
For truly we are the ones in charge of our identity. As much as others will try to put us into boxes, literally and figuratively, we are the ones in charge of how we feel about ourselves. If we find the courage within ourselves to at first accept, then to tolerate, and finally embrace the things that make us queer, then we have taken our power back. No longer will anyone’s taunts have sway over how we feel about ourselves. And once we have taken our power back, we can use that power to build the kind of society where we are valued. Because with our own power back, we can finally show to our society at large, just why it is that we are so very rare and special, and how by embracing us the world at large becomes a better place for all.
Coming out is about peace.
